October 9

Had one of our young adult women come ask to speak to me.  That is Fijian for "Can we talk alone with the door shut?"

This wonderful young adult woman (age 30) has been in a long distance relationship for about three years.  He is in western Fiji and she is here in Suva.  She has just come back from a visit home.  While there the young man invited her and her friend to dinner.  When she showed up there were other young adult woman also invited.  Added to the awkwardness of the extra women, he avoided being alone with her.   She is wondering if his feelings have changed.  She wanted to know what she should do?  I asked her what she wanted to do.  "I want to be married." was the reply and she started to cry.

One of my soap boxes in Fiji is that parents here direct the lives of their adult children.  They expect to be obeyed and are.  These parents tell their children to serve missions, get a university degree, work for a year or two and then it is OK to think about marriage.  Just like this lovely, totally committed Latter-day Saint woman, many young adult women here find themselves between 28-34, single, and wanting marriage.  The problem comes with the young adult men who by the time they get all the things their parents want done don't want to get married anymore (there are over 200 single Melchizedek holders in Suva's two stakes), have fallen away from the church, or find a much younger woman who is willing to defy her parents and get married.  I wept with her.

We decided that she needs to just come out and ask him where he stands.  She will then know how to proceed.  Her mother told her to break it off.  She just can not be the one to shatter what she sees as her only chance at marriage and motherhood.

Because I am writing this way after the fact, I am going to write here the rest of the story.  After two weeks I asked her what she had done about this relationship.  With what could at best be called a sickly smile, she told me that she had called him just to chat.  During the conversation he had told her that she needed to move on, because he was no longer good enough for her.  He told her he was no longer active in the church and that she deserved more than he could/would give her.

We were in public when we talked.  I was sorry we were not in a place where we could hug and cry.  I do not know what is going to happen to her now.  Not many men around from which to choose.  Sigh.